Hey everyone! It’s getting to be my favorite time of the year. Gotta love spring. The sun is finally shining, the birds are singing, and everything is green. (So I’ve got a favorite color? Sue me for being predictable.) But I gotta say, even though it’s nice out, something left a bad taste in my mouth.
The Suits had me come to New York for some event. You know what it’s like, stand around, wave to people, do the awkward small talk, and then take off as soon as possible to go watch Game of Thrones.
Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting fans. It’s just that, well, I’ve been at this for a while, and there’s only so much that I can say. Everyone wants me to do the line, and so I do the line, and I pose for pictures, but my head’s always getting cut off in those things. The worst part, though, is when you meet the people who think that, just because you’re a celebrity, they own you. I mean, I’m friendly enough around fans, and 99 times out of 100 they are cool, but there are always some weirdoes out there.
This guy came up today and said that I stole my line from Santa Claus. UGH. And it was the way he said it, too. He looked so smug, like he was the first person who had ever thought to say that to me, even though I’ve been saying it for like 50 years.
And okay, I’ll admit, they are kinda the same thing. I mean, the line is “ho ho ho”. That’s pretty similar. I hated it when The Suits came up with it back in the day, because I knew that Santa Claus says the same thing. But they insisted, and so I tried to make it work. And I think I do a pretty good job! I mean, Santa goes Ho Ho Ho! and I’m more of a ho ho ho. I guess it doesn’t work too well written out, but you know what I mean. You’ve heard it before. It’s different! And it’s not like I thought of that, myself! I wanted to say something like “It’s veggie time!” but for some reason The Suits didn’t go for it. I still think it’d be cool, and I could wear a watch and point at it. But The Suits have never gone for it. So, I guess it’ll be ho ho ho for the foreseeable future.
But please, can we knock it off with the Santa Claus bit?
Man, Kermit was right. It ain’t easy being green.
Ho ho ho,